is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
