When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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