Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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