Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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