I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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