Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
