If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
false alarm. still invincible.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
