Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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