She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
