then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
