Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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