i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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