oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
