My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
