I need to stop coming to work sober
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
