Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
