Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm drive I can fine osifer
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
