Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize