Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
