He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
