He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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