he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
