There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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