the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
