so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
