I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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