Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
sex in a hospital.. check
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
