if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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