I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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