Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize