Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
