She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
