His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
