That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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