After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
