I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
