his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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