omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
