i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
