I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
