So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
