just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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