there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
