i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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