what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
