dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
