2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So much rum. So many feels.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
