I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
