did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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