This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
