That's intense
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
