please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize