Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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