Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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