thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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