Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
