I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
