Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
even my farts smell like vagina
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
