Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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