there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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