Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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