hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
