It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
