like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
