at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I know her cup size but not her name....
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
