i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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