I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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