i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
