hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
